Posted in Daily tally

Monday. In every way.

People seem to do a lot of griping about Mondays, and I get it. The weekend was great, who wants to get up early, right?  For me, though, Mondays are generally one of my favorite days, because I am a creature of routine, and Monday signifies the day I get to get back to that. Today has been kinda off though, and this post is going to be about the logical and the emotional, because I really *do* want to be as honest as I can in this format.

So, it was weigh-in day, and as I mentioned last night, I was not looking forward to it.  Here’s why: The scale says I gained 4 lbs.  FOUR. Now, I am a smart girl.  I know, intellectually, that this is water, because of lady-time, and I also know that I had a pretty high sodium Saturday.  So, I *know* that this, too, shall pass.  I still feel like shit about it.  I feel like I want to eat 3 crackers and a glass of water for today, but I also feel like “Fuck it! Let’s eat!” (I’m doing neither, by the way.)

I’m mad and frustrated because I’m working harder than I’ve worked for just about anything in a long time. I *know* that this stuff happens and that it’s going to be long. I know that.  But today, I don’t like it.  I’m working very hard not to give airtime to that hateful voice in my head, but I’ll be straight up-today, it’s effin’ hard.

I’ve spent the day trying to do positive things.  I started a 30 minute workout set from that Yourshape Xbox game, and I feel that pleasant kind of sore than tells me I’m doing good. I worked on a website for someone, and I’m having a busy design day. I have some school reading to do, and my massive house cleaning is coming along.  I’m paying super close attention to my food today, though, so that I don’t over, or under do it.  It’s nuts that my default is to be shitty to myself.  Now to replace that with a voice that constantly tells me I’m awesome. 🙂 Somewhere, then, I’d find the balance.

(Addendum)

I wrote most of that earlier in the day, so that I would get it all out, and I’m glad I did.  I feel better, or at least I feel like I’ve pulled up my big girl panties and am moving on. This changes nothing-the goals are still the goals, and beating myself up is maybe counter productive, especially when I *know* I’m doing fine.

Dailies:

My Food Diary

(I’m not tracking anything this week, because my challenge for myself is to just be nicer to me, to celebrate the progress I am making and to remember that enjoying life is why I’m doing this.)

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Author:

Artist and owner of Bramblefae Boutique. I design whimsical jewelry, I like good writing and good games.

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