People seem to do a lot of griping about Mondays, and I get it. The weekend was great, who wants to get up early, right? For me, though, Mondays are generally one of my favorite days, because I am a creature of routine, and Monday signifies the day I get to get back to that. Today has been kinda off though, and this post is going to be about the logical and the emotional, because I really *do* want to be as honest as I can in this format.
So, it was weigh-in day, and as I mentioned last night, I was not looking forward to it. Here’s why: The scale says I gained 4 lbs. FOUR. Now, I am a smart girl. I know, intellectually, that this is water, because of lady-time, and I also know that I had a pretty high sodium Saturday. So, I *know* that this, too, shall pass. I still feel like shit about it. I feel like I want to eat 3 crackers and a glass of water for today, but I also feel like “Fuck it! Let’s eat!” (I’m doing neither, by the way.)
I’m mad and frustrated because I’m working harder than I’ve worked for just about anything in a long time. I *know* that this stuff happens and that it’s going to be long. I know that. But today, I don’t like it. I’m working very hard not to give airtime to that hateful voice in my head, but I’ll be straight up-today, it’s effin’ hard.
I’ve spent the day trying to do positive things. I started a 30 minute workout set from that Yourshape Xbox game, and I feel that pleasant kind of sore than tells me I’m doing good. I worked on a website for someone, and I’m having a busy design day. I have some school reading to do, and my massive house cleaning is coming along. I’m paying super close attention to my food today, though, so that I don’t over, or under do it. It’s nuts that my default is to be shitty to myself. Now to replace that with a voice that constantly tells me I’m awesome. 🙂 Somewhere, then, I’d find the balance.
I wrote most of that earlier in the day, so that I would get it all out, and I’m glad I did. I feel better, or at least I feel like I’ve pulled up my big girl panties and am moving on. This changes nothing-the goals are still the goals, and beating myself up is maybe counter productive, especially when I *know* I’m doing fine.
(I’m not tracking anything this week, because my challenge for myself is to just be nicer to me, to celebrate the progress I am making and to remember that enjoying life is why I’m doing this.)