So, the Monday morning weigh in. I both love and dread Monday mornings. I’m growing out of my fear and loathing of the scale-I give it much less power over my day than I used to, but I still run through this slightly panicked “What the hell did I eat this week?” before I step on. I’m getting better about it though.
Anyway, this morning’s weigh in tells me that I weigh 359 pounds. For those keeping track with me, that means I’ve lost 30 pounds. I’ve lost 5 since last week.
I will say, though, that I’m still having trouble seeing any difference when I look in the mirror. I mean, I *feel* all sorts of different. I feel pretty damn awesome, and I *do* see a difference in my skin-I haven’t worn foundation in at least a month, I don’t need to. In fact, if I wear makeup, I just wear a little eyeshadow.
I think the real issue is that (and I think I’m only still thinking about this because of that awful woman at the flea market), I really would like my outside to reflect the MASSIVE changes my insides/mybrain/my psyche are going through. I know that I *will* equalize, and to all things there will be balance, but patience is apparently a virtue I’m not too familiar with. 😀
Here’s the thing though. I have lost 30 pounds. And that’s not even the bigger deal.
I’ve gained-self love, respect for my body, and some empathy for the way we all think about appearance.
I’ve learned A LOT about food, and my own relationship with it, and this is just the beginning. I’m *excited*, you know?
To close, I have a story. My husband and I keep our computers in “the computer room” (a room that I think was probably the dining room originally), and he was showing my something on Youtube over the weekend, and I propped my foot on his leg. He looked down at my foot and said, “I’d like to know when I became a foot rest.” I replied, “When I could actually lift my foot up to your leg. Get used to it, I’ll eventually be able to use your shoulder as a foot rest.”
He replied, “You keep going the way you’re going and you’ll be able to use your own shoulder as a foot rest.” 😀
This journey really is about little victories and big changes.