Sunday, so let’s talk about fresh food!

I hope everyone had a great weekend! I know I did! I spent most of yesterday hanging out at the home of one of my sisters-in-law (Seriously, between my husband’s 4 sisters and the wives of my two brothers, I really do have to narrow that down! :D) working on scrapbook pages for my wedding album. I figure, two years into our marriage, I should start on that book, yeah? 🙂

Food is always a big part of my husband’s family gatherings, and there is no shortage of great cooks and great food.  Yesterday was no exception. The best part though was that it was mostly fresh veggies and healthy snacking! Woo!

I bought fresh peas at the farmer’s market yesterday and I snapped them today. We’ve also started the raspberry harvest. We have one gigantic raspberry bush in our side yard, and I think we will have ripening berries for at least a week.  I have a quart already, and that’s not counting the ones I can’t reach (Or am not willing to brave the brambles to reach! *grin*).

This is always the time of year that I eat best, because the sheer abundance of fresh produce is crazy.  Honestly, I think you’re silly if you don’t choose fresh over frozen or packaged at this time of year.

So, I guess that’s my advice for today-don’t make excuses about fresh food right now, when it’s actually probably *more* convenient to get fresh produce right now. 🙂 You’ll feel better, and it tastes better!


Not at all wordless Wednesday

I have been watching this whole “Obesity is a disease” thing for days now, and this post from the Anti-Jared was the catalyst that helped me vocalize how I feel about it.

I think his post was thought provoking and well written, but I think I have to respectfully disagree.  Or rather…well, hear me out.

I, too, have obesity, and a lot of what his post talked about, I can relate to.  But I disagree that obesity is the disease.  I believe obesity is a symptom, and now that obesity is classified as a disease, I’m afraid that it will be even more difficult for people to get help figuring out the actual issue.

When I talk to people about my current changes, I basically say “I just eat less junk and move more.” This is basically true.  But I don’t talk about (and maybe I should), the things that had to happen for me to get to that point.

When you ask people who’ve lost appreciable amounts of weight, or made other health related life changes, you’ll get a vast array of different answers. For some people, it’s ketogenic eating, for others it’s a raw food diet, for still others it’s running every day, or zumba, or whatever.  I think that right there should make it pretty plain that obesity itself is not the problem.

The statement, “I will always have obesity.” Is the part I have trouble with, I think.  Because I don’t believe for a moment that I will “always have obesity”. Because the obesity is not the problem, has not ever been the problem in my life.  The problem, in my life, has always been a soul deep sense of failure, of hating-my body specifically, but myself as well, of being the never-ending butt of the joke, and of being a disappointment to everyone I love.  The problem, in my life, has always been far more in my head than in my body.

I think, for me, that I only have obesity until my BMI is under 30 (then I will just have “overweight”, heh.), or whatever other measurement of my body’s health we use.

I believe that I cured the disease when I first understood what it actually means to love myself. All this fat loss, and new habit trailblazing? This is recovery, baby.

In the end, the fact that we’re having these conversations, and that we all have so many different opinions about why we are or were fat is a good thing, because it gives people who are maybe just at the point of being ready to do something, lots of different ideas and things that work, so that maybe it’ll be easier for folks to find what works for them.  And I hope it gives decent doctors the incentive to look beyond the fat, and find out why.  I think *that* is when we will get  a hand on the “Obesity Epidemic”.

Tuesday and Summer

I tried to talk myself out of my walk this morning. Went anyway. Enjoyed myself. 🙂

Here’s the thing-it’s hard to remember how good I feel after a walk, both physically and mentally. I don’t know why that is, though. I live in a lovely town, and my mile is tree lined, flowered, with random animal life all over the place. It’s wonderful. I need to remember that, and how badass I feel when I get home.

Summer is a great time for healthy choices in food. There’s a farmer’s market like a block away on Saturday mornings and I look forward to that all week. I have raspberries in my side yard that are going to need picked in the next week or so, which means, according to my kiddo, pie! (It will more likely mean jam for winter toast, but we’ll see. 🙂 )

See, I’m remembering…slowly, that this is about full on healthy awesome, not just “getting skinny” (which, by the way, is as offensive to me as “Damn, fattie!” These labels are non-helpful, thanks.).

So today’s inspiration, for me, has been “look how awesome it is outside. Go there! Do things!” 🙂


Monday, and excuses

For the 4th week in a row, I’m holding steady at 359 lbs.  I could wrinkle up my nose (in fact, I just did, actually), and whine and whatnot.  But look, that’s bullshit and you know and I know it.

I have a teenage boyo.  He’s a wonderful kid, going to be a good man, I think.  However, he *is* fourteen, so the phrase, “Don’t half-ass it!” is heard around here a lot. *grin*

And that brings me to today’s issue.  I’m half-assing my lifestyle “changes”.  Meaning, I’m doing the bare minimum not to feel totally shitty about myself, and it shows.

So, today has been very much about forward momentum, and making sure I do the things I need to do so that these changes become habits, not hassle.  I’m the only thing in my way, so this isn’t about excuses, it’s about commitment. 🙂


Sunday and some stuff!

First off, I know I forgot to post on Friday.  And I think, at least as long as my hubby isn’t working on Friday nights, I probably will be posting Monday through Friday.  I just try to take every opportunity I have to hang out with him since he’s working so much.

That said, I have to be honest and talk for a minute about how much I feel like I’ve been floundering for the last couple weeks.  I’m not walking like I should, and eating has been kind of a weird love/hate kind of endeavor lately. A conversation about being kind of obsessed with MFP got me to thinking about several things.

About the only visible change though, is that I think I’m going back to using to track the numbers of my journey, and mostly it’s because my big thing is that I am still learning so much about what to eat and why, and SP just has SO MUCH information, and I can track all sorts of random stuff.

This week, though, my biggest goal is to listen to my body for every single food choice. I’m not going to worry too much about calories (either under or over), I’m going to try to really listen to my body’s signals, because I don’t want to find myself solely dependent on a website to tell me how I feel. That seems like it defeats the purpose.  Ideally, I want to continue being successful in my changes while only using sites like MFP and Spark People as reference. So, as with every day, we begin anew. 🙂

Thursday and role models

When I was younger, all I wanted was to be thin and beautiful (Because *obviously* you couldn’t be beautiful without being thin.).  Things just seemed easier for thin girls. Everyone loved them, they got to wear nice clothes, no one lectured their eating habits, and they lived in castles high on the hill.

Minus that last part, that’s pretty much how I felt about anyone thinner than me.  And I was pretty sure EVERYONE was thinner than me, because I spent a lot of time comparing myself to other people.

So, one of the first really mindful choices I made this year was to work very hard not to compare myself to someone else-everyone’s journey is different and all that.

For the most part it works, but it recently occurred to me in my personal life that we, if we’re really going to learn and grow as people, need or rather, “can find useful”, a role model. Someone who seems to be where we’re headed. Someone from whom we can learn.  I think this is a necessary part of life.  Right now, I look toward a couple of people in my life for healthful examples, and I look toward a couple people in my life for spiritual examples, and I look toward a couple of people in my life for how to live happy. 🙂

I think these kinds of “role models” are healthy as long as we don’t convince ourselves that what we see of them is what they absolutely are, because we’ll always be disappointed-we’re all so multifaceted we never utterly know people, and as long as we’re not using a person as a means of self flagellation (I love that word).

I’ve spent a lot of my life measuring myself against impossible odds. But if I were to be completely honest with myself and you all, part of that was so that I would have a ready made excuse.  It was my guaranteed way of getting out of any meaningful changes and it gave me fuel for my self hatred at the same time.  Why bother? I’ll never be as (insert bullshit here) as so and so.

I’m still pretty frowny about typing that stuff out.  I’m uncomfortable knowing that I really used to feel that way-uncomfortable and a little sad.

However, I’m to the point now where most days (Not always, but more often than not, which is progress) when I catch myself comparing myself to someone else, I can make a point to focus on positive comparisons instead of negative ones. Eventually, maybe I will not have to catch myself making comparisons at all, but for now,  I think this will work.