I do a lot of talk here about Whole Self Awesome, and this is seriously my goal. I feel lately though, that I’ve become totally fixated on the weight-loss part of that. Like completely focused on the number on that scale on Monday mornings (Well, and most mornings to be completely honest).
I weighed myself yesterday (Even though I said over the weekend that I wasn’t going to), but I’m not recording the number anywhere because I want to focus on how my body feels. See, the more I became focused on this number, and why wasn’t it moving any faster downward, the more I found myself in the “I’m on a diet.” mentality, and then the more I found myself feeling like I was somehow missing out on something. Which in turn, made it easier to let my stress level dictate what, when and how much I ate. Instead of focusing on managing stress, I let my stress manage me. And then I started the bullshit talk. To myself, I mean.
I chose not to keep track of what I ate this weekend, while we did the faire. I was still mindful, and I really like that I am more mindful-it’s something I think is important in more aspects than just food and fitness, but I didn’t write it down or log it into mfp. So, while I had some *decadent* bread pudding-I also kept grapes in my cooler, and ate them whenever I needed a snack. I was mindful, but not prohibitive. I was moderate without self punishment. The only thing I feel I might have done better with was that I clearly didn’t drink enough water. My ankles swelled right up yesterday, which is how I know I was low.
This internal cycle of punishment seems to be the absolute most difficult part of this process (Well, and making daily movement an ingrained habit), so this week, I think, is going to be about confronting that asshole and maybe working through it. Thursday, I’m pretty sure, is going to be about the difference between role models as sticks to measure your aspirations and role models as sticks to beat yourself with.
Have a good night everyone.