When I was younger, all I wanted was to be thin and beautiful (Because *obviously* you couldn’t be beautiful without being thin.). Things just seemed easier for thin girls. Everyone loved them, they got to wear nice clothes, no one lectured their eating habits, and they lived in castles high on the hill.
Minus that last part, that’s pretty much how I felt about anyone thinner than me. And I was pretty sure EVERYONE was thinner than me, because I spent a lot of time comparing myself to other people.
So, one of the first really mindful choices I made this year was to work very hard not to compare myself to someone else-everyone’s journey is different and all that.
For the most part it works, but it recently occurred to me in my personal life that we, if we’re really going to learn and grow as people, need or rather, “can find useful”, a role model. Someone who seems to be where we’re headed. Someone from whom we can learn. I think this is a necessary part of life. Right now, I look toward a couple of people in my life for healthful examples, and I look toward a couple people in my life for spiritual examples, and I look toward a couple of people in my life for how to live happy. 🙂
I think these kinds of “role models” are healthy as long as we don’t convince ourselves that what we see of them is what they absolutely are, because we’ll always be disappointed-we’re all so multifaceted we never utterly know people, and as long as we’re not using a person as a means of self flagellation (I love that word).
I’ve spent a lot of my life measuring myself against impossible odds. But if I were to be completely honest with myself and you all, part of that was so that I would have a ready made excuse. It was my guaranteed way of getting out of any meaningful changes and it gave me fuel for my self hatred at the same time. Why bother? I’ll never be as (insert bullshit here) as so and so.
I’m still pretty frowny about typing that stuff out. I’m uncomfortable knowing that I really used to feel that way-uncomfortable and a little sad.
However, I’m to the point now where most days (Not always, but more often than not, which is progress) when I catch myself comparing myself to someone else, I can make a point to focus on positive comparisons instead of negative ones. Eventually, maybe I will not have to catch myself making comparisons at all, but for now, I think this will work.