When I read this blog post, my heart went out to the woman on the receiving end of this bullshit. How humiliating and uncalled for. We all have some family member or friend who has convinced themselves that they mean well, as an excuse to just say some horrible shit to people.
But, what about the people who continually make little, apparently innocuous comments every time you see them?
I’ve spent the better part of the last year evaluating my relationships with different people in my life, and the big thing I’ve learned is that a lot of what I had made about me, was really about the people talking to me, and at Christmas I realized a good example of that.
Weight is a great big deal in my family, and I spent a lot of my adult life feeling like the big target, but once I stepped outside my own fortress of excuses, I was able to see that it’s not about me at all.
I’ve talked before about the fact that people feel the need to say all sorts of things to fat people about their health, and their apparent eating habits. But this also goes the other way.
One of my brothers is tall and fit looking, but he used to be a bit bigger when he was in high school and college. So, one of the things I see a lot are family who don’t see him often always remarking about how thin he is, the general connotation being that he needs a sandwich. Now, of my brothers and I, I am definitely the one most likely to be offended out loud by people’s behavior, so I want to get mad about the fact that we come from a family that will cut you down for being too fat, then cut you down for being too thin.
But really, we all see this, all the time, everywhere. It’s not a family thing, it’s a life thing. We live in a society that will vehemently berate you for not being “the social norm”. And that norm changes depending on who you’re talking to.
Pop culture feeds tall and slender ideals to us as what the desired norm should be, while memes and things all over the internet talk about “Men like curves, only dogs like bones” bullshit, when, in reality, we’re all wonderful, beautiful people, and when we build other people up, instead of putting them down-this is when we fly and soar and reach things we thought impossible.
This is one of my big goals this year-to be less critically judgmental of other people, and just accept that the way they look, act, talk will rarely have anything at all to do with me.