Posted in Inspiration

Depression and why I advocate sunshine

It’s been a minute hasn’t it?  I kind of left everything on pause there for a bit, but I think I’m good now, or at least better. Here in the Midwest, I would like to let it be known that I am pretty well done with the idea of snow. Dear gods, let’s have some green, growing things, yeah?

I’ve talked a little bit before about my own dealings with anxiety and depression, and I thought quite a bit about just glossing over this and picking back up here on the blog.  I think that might be a bit of a disservice, though, to anyone who may be having a similar time.

For me, depression is not so much a sadness, as it is an utter absence of feeling.  And it’s kind of hard to figure out what to do to get back into life, sometimes.  I firmly believe that this time of year (In the Northern hemisphere, other way around for southern hemisphere folks) is HARD on everyone, but more so on people who spend the rest of the year working to maintain some level of normalcy that works for them.

In the last week, I’ve started seeing more sunshine, and that has made the biggest difference to me.  Even if it’s 5 degrees Fahrenheit outside, if the sun is shining in your window onto your face, it makes the day A LOT easier.  For me, at least.

I’ve spent this last week pep talking myself and thinking about ways to get more active again, and I feel ready and encouraged for the first time in weeks, so I know that it’s time to get back to work.

Today, for me, will be a day of action-of getting things going again and of being good to me.  I hope you, too, spend the day being good to you.


Posted in Inspiration, Uncategorized

What happens when you’re snowed in


Out my front door on Sunday. :)
Out my front door on Sunday. 🙂

Whoa, snow.  I don’t know how it is elsewhere, but we got a crapton of snow, and then it became Siberia.

So, I figured today was as good a day as any to talk about what to do when you legitimately can’t get to your usual workout.  I’ve not gone on my walk for several days now-not so much because of the cold (I know how to layer, etc), but because of there being just so much snow, and even though I live right in town, the roads are still snow covered and I’m just the person who’d bust my ass in a pile of snow somewhere.

This was yesterday. Gorgeous, but COLD.
This was yesterday. Gorgeous, but COLD.

So, I am going to the ever handy stairs I have right in my house.  Improvising is kind of a must, I think, because situations change. You can’t always get to the gym, or whatever your normal workout routine is, but I know that I am all too quick to say, “Welp. No help for it, I guess today’s an unscheduled rest day.”  It’s something I’m working on, so I am assuming it’s something someone else is working on, too.

When I first started, back in March, I was still afraid of trying to walk a full mile.  I mean, I literally had to “recover” the day after going grocery shopping because just the act of walking around the grocery store made my back hurt and my ankles hurt.  So what I did was I would spend 20 minutes walking from my front door to my back door.  I have an old house, so it’s pretty much a straight shot, but it’s doable in any house or apartment. Pick a length and a duration and do that. Wear a backpack full of books if you want a challenge (I have 2.5 lb ankle weights that I’ll wear like bracers, myself. *grin*).

Seriously, and this is more for me than it is for any of you, there really is no reason you (or I), can’t work 15 minutes of walking up and down the stairs, or back and forth through the house, or get in some quick squats.

I don’t know how it is for you folks, but for me, “I can’t.” almost always really means, “I don’t want to try.” And I’m working hard this year to change that attitude.

Posted in Inspiration, Random stuff

2013-Done with you! Onto bigger and better years!

In March, I started this little blog, full of hope, but also some fear, because I’d talked about changes before, they never seemed to “stick”.   Now, at the beginning of the new year, I feel excited about the changes I’ve made, and where they’re going to take me this year, and what changes I can add to them to continue on this road of awesome.

I have been discouraged. I didn’t lose as much as I’d hoped to when I started.  But I have lost 39 pounds since March, and that’s a huge damn deal. 😀  I still think too much about what other people think, but that’s getting better, too.  I am more able to let go of the opinions of people who aren’t interested in helping me fly, and taking proper consideration of the opinions of the people who are. J

For the first time in my adult life, my New Year’s resolution is not, “Lose some weight.” I actually have a bit of a list this year!   Of course, I will continue learning how to be the healthiest me, but that also includes things not related to eating well, or fitness.  Sure, I will be working on watching my salt, and getting out the door EVERY DAY. J  But I’m also going to be working on things like drawing more, organizing the family genealogy into something I can share with anyone interested, and simplifying my living space-getting rid of clutter and learning some organizational skills.

The big resolution is to remember, always, that health is way way more than numbers and calories.  Those things are important, for sure, and I can’t neglect them, but for me, they can’t be the only things.  It’s a whole package deal.  And I think I’ve got this. J

I hope you folks are all hopeful for the new year as well. Hope is important. 😀

Posted in Daily tally, Inspiration

200 posts! *throws confetti*

When I started blogging back in March, I honestly did not expect to keep it up.  I’ve never been able to keep a journaling schedule, and I have tried many times.  I’ll go good for a while, then I’ll start slacking off, then I’ll find that I haven’t written anything in three months.  So, the fact that I’m still actively writing is fairly astonishing to me, and well worth celebrating. 🙂

To get ready for this post, I was looking at my first posts to see what’s different, what’s the same, that sort of thing. First off, I didn’t eat pizza when my gents ordered out.  This is hilarious to me because I *did* eat a piece of pizza last night-we actually ordered out for the first time in probably 2 months.  That’s one of the things that’s changed a lot since I started this blog-we eat out a lot less than we did, and generally when we do, I’m pretty mindful of what I order.

Another thing that’s changed, is in that same post, I note that I weighed 381 pounds-I weighed 352 on Monday. So there’s that.  Something that came up consistently in the early posts is that I struggled to drink 8 glasses of water a day.  I’m pretty proud to say that I have that done by noon usually, and my daily minimum now is 12 glasses of water.  I very rarely don’t make that (and when I don’t, it’s always because I don’t plan ahead and take water with me when I know I’m going to be out. :p )  I think getting enough water makes a huge difference in how I feel physically. If I don’t get enough, I tend to feel heavy and slow and just kind of icky.

My 100th post came during the summer at a time that I know now was kind of filled with this crazy focus on the scale, therefore I got discouraged and frustrated all the time, and that post kinda showed it, I think.

I also posted a “before and after” kind of face pictures, using a photo from Christmas 2009, and one of the most recent of the million selfies I take on Instagram. (Haha)  It kinda made me laugh, too, because things have changed for me in other ways.  So, I took that comparison, added a photo I took of myself in March, when I started, and added the newest of my selfies. *grin*  The thing about all the pictures I’m taking of my face is that I actually like my face now.  I don’t cringe when I see pictures of myself anymore.

200thpostIn another 100 posts-I would like to be farther along the path to the healthiest me, and still actively posting here.  I’d like to have to gripe about needing to buy new clothes AGAIN. I’d like to blog about how awesome it feels to walk longer distances, and I’d like to blog about how content I continue to be with myself, my changes and my life. 😀

Have a great weekend, folks. We’re supposed to get something like 6 inches of snow this weekend, so maybe we’ll build a fort in the backyard. :p (Or at least, shovel the driveway. *grin*)


Posted in Inspiration

How perspective changes the way we look at things

I debated, and wavered back and forth, but I feel like I need to address Maria Kang and her opinions in some kind of depth.I hesitated because I’m not sure giving this subject more attention is good for either side of the debate. In the end, I just decided not to link anything in this post. Feel free to look at her facebook page or her website if you want to see more.

I think vilifying this woman is the wrong thing to do.  Yes, I do think that she’s saying some things that are not just provocative, but potentially dangerous.  I’ll get to that stuff in a minute.

I get where she’s coming from. On her website, you can read about how this is a super personal issue for her.  Her mom died of illnesses that Ms. Kang believes would have been avoided if she’d taken more care for her health.

I get that.  I also get that, instead of thinking, “I don’t want to do that to my family.”, she’s decided that it’s her job to keep that from happening to any family.

And I think she’s also displacing her anger onto other obese people and that, I think, is where she starts to go askew, in my opinion.

From her Facebook page:

“The first step in making change is deciding you are unhappy with where you are. 
You can’t be unhappy if your environment deems it okay to be where you’re at.”

The first step in making change is deciding that you don’t want to be where you are. Yes. Absolutely.  But the second sentence is where I think she’s maybe a bit overzealous.

If you won’t see how unhappy you should be, we need to surround you with things to remind you that you suck.

It’s a slippery slope when you want to help people-it’s super easy to go from helpful, to pushy and bossy, and micro-managey. (I make words up, don’t judge. *grin*)

It’s easy to start at “I’m here to help, when you need me.” and end up at, “If you can’t see that you need my help, I’ll show you.”

I’ve been there.  In my life, I’ve come a very long way from an unhappy, super-entitled, lying, occasionally thieving, hateful kind of person, to what I hope is a relatively upstanding citizen. 😀  Really. A lot of people in my life gave up on me (and rightfully so, honestly), but then I got my shit together. (Or rather, am continually getting my shit together. 🙂 )  So, I have found myself wanting to help women that I see are where I was (Or my perception of where they are), and it has frustrated me and made things weird and awkward in a couple of relationships in my life.

You can’t make people want to do better.  And you can’t decide for them what “better” is. 

Maria Kang believes that if society would quit being so accepting of fat people (*snort* *guffaw*, but that’s at least partially my own bias), everyone would be healthy and fit.

This is why I don’t think we should vilify her-it must be SO frustrating not to be able to “fix” everyone.  And I don’t think she gets that we cannot make positive, lasting changes UNTIL we love ourselves, and I would like to think that society needs way more love, not less. But I think that, maybe from her perspective, she can’t see it. And that’s ok. I can’t see her view from where I am, either. Perspective makes all the difference in what we take away from any given idea, I think. 🙂


Posted in Inspiration

It’s funny how things seem related

I have spent a lot of my life being a slacker. And it’s not so much slacking as it is that I’ve spent a lot of my life doing what I want, when I want.  No impulse control. 🙂

To begin to change one’s life, I’ve found that impulse control is one of the most important things ever.  And it’s not a perfect thing. But I’m getting there. 🙂

I notice though, that these changes I’ve made and continue to make in my life are affecting other areas, too.

I’ve had lofty, vague dreams in my life.  Things that have always seemed just out of reach.  But I never really seemed to get anywhere.  In this year, though, I’ve proven to myself that I am willing and able and capable of making jewelry design my day job. 🙂  I have a long way to go yet, but I will get there because I’ve learned that it’s important to put the longterm goals first, then arrange your daily wants around that.

A lot more gets accomplished, and it all sort of snowballs into this big, rolling ball of confidence and contentment. 🙂

This is probably my last real post of the week, unless I feel drawn to write on Friday. 🙂 Have a great week, and to my American readers, have a wonderful Thanksgiving. 🙂

Posted in Inspiration

I think I’m getting somewhere

So, I noticed yesterday that my 200th post is coming up sometime in December (This is post 187, I think, or 186.).  I don’t know what I’ll do for that, but it has gotten me thinking a bit and looking through some of my past posts.  I went through a period of time where I would just get depressed once a month or so, and I chalked it up to hormones at the time, but I really think that it was part of feeling like I was on a diet and all of the emotional bullshit that goes with that.

I feel, lately, like I may have turned a corner on this path.  I’ve weighed myself every morning this week.  And it feels like a tool, rather than a judgement.  I can feel my focus switch from watching the scale (and basing all my choices on what the number says), to watching my body change, watching myself get stronger, seeing all the ways in which my fairly new confidence (which is, interestingly, not the same as bravado, but can look the same from the outside. *grin*) adds to my quality of life.

On that fairly positive note, I’m gonna go eat breakfast, and then see what needs finished up jewelry-wise because we set up for the holiday bazaar at the gallery on Monday. 🙂

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!