Posted in Random stuff

Hoping for the best :)

Yesterday was nice. It was gorgeous out and practically summer, with a temp at a tropical 48 degrees (Fahrenheit, I mean. Which is a much harder word to spell than I would have thought. :p ).  It felt wonderful to get out and walk in the sunshine. I’m looking forward to more of that.  Which I won’t be getting today, apparently. *grin*

Today is an at home day-day of mundane stuff like taking inventory and running the vacuum.  I mentioned my goals yesterday, but I didn’t add a couple that aren’t related to my physical health. I’m making sure that I spend 30 minutes a day drawing, and 30 minutes a day writing (the blog doesn’t count toward that-this is its own thing. *grin*).  These are both things I’m relatively good at (grammar and punctuation aside, that is. *Snicker*), and they go a long, long way toward my mental peace of mind. And a good, full life is all about making time for the  things that are most important to you. So, that’s what I’m doing this week. 🙂

I have heard that we (Northern Indiana, for the curious) are in for one more stupid, mean, hateful snow storm. I’m hoping it peters out before it ever gets going, and gives us Spring instead. *grin*

I hope ya’ll have a great day, and it really does feel good to be back.


Posted in Random stuff

Staying Miserable is Hard Work, so let’s be lazy, yeah?

Apparently, all it takes to completely throw me off my stride is three weeks of Christmas vacation.  I’m working on it, though-getting back into the habit of blogging first thing in the morning (Well, right after breakfast. *grin*).

I have a lot of things on the list to blog about, so I should be fairly active for the next bit. *grin*

In small news, I’m moving the Day of Scale to Friday mornings, instead of Monday, because, for the last two weeks I’ve just flat forgotten to weigh myself until later in the day, and that’s dumb.  This morning, I’m at 351, which is actually better than I thought it’d be, because I ate so much sugar last week.

So, I finally feel like I’m back in a routine that I dig. J

I read this article a few weeks ago, but it’s stuck with me, because it is so true.  At least, it’s has been true for me.  I can think of times in my life where I engaged in every one of those behaviors, and I was, in fact, truly miserable.  I wish I’d have learned how much easier it is to be content and grateful much earlier than I did. There are still things on that list that I am working on.

I still have a lingering tendency to make everything about me, in my head.  I’m much better at catching that kind of thought and being able to say, “Seriously, Princess?”, but it still is something that I work on.

It’s a good list for me to keep onto, both to remember where I used to be, and to keep myself from going back there.

Posted in Random stuff

Let’s just worry about ourselves. :)

When I read this blog post, my heart went out to the woman on the receiving end of this bullshit.  How humiliating and uncalled for.  We all have some family member or friend who has convinced themselves that they mean well, as an excuse to just say some horrible shit to people.

But, what about the people who continually make little, apparently innocuous comments every time you see them?

I’ve spent the better part of the last year evaluating my relationships with different people in my life, and the big thing I’ve learned is that a lot of what I had made about me, was really about the people talking to me, and at Christmas I realized a good example of that.

Weight is a great big deal in my family, and I spent a lot of my adult life feeling like the big target, but once I stepped outside my own fortress of excuses, I was able to see that it’s not about me at all.

I’ve talked before about the fact that people feel the need to say all sorts of things to fat people about their health, and their apparent eating habits.  But this also goes the other way.

One of my brothers is tall and fit looking, but he used to be a bit bigger when he was in high school and college.  So, one of the things I see a lot are family who don’t see him often always remarking about how thin he is, the general connotation being that he needs a sandwich.   Now, of my brothers and I, I am definitely the one most likely to be offended out loud by people’s behavior, so I want to get mad about the fact that we come from a family that will cut you down for being too fat, then cut you down for being too thin.

But really, we all see this, all the time, everywhere.  It’s not a family thing, it’s a life thing. We live in a society that will vehemently berate you for not being “the social norm”. And that norm changes depending on who you’re talking to.

Pop culture feeds tall and slender ideals to us as what the desired norm should be, while memes and things all over the internet talk about “Men like curves, only dogs like bones” bullshit, when, in reality, we’re all wonderful, beautiful people, and when we build other people up, instead of putting them down-this is when we fly and soar and reach things we thought impossible.

This is one of my big goals this year-to be less critically judgmental of other people, and just accept that the way they look, act, talk will rarely have anything at all to do with me.

Posted in Inspiration, Random stuff

2013-Done with you! Onto bigger and better years!

In March, I started this little blog, full of hope, but also some fear, because I’d talked about changes before, they never seemed to “stick”.   Now, at the beginning of the new year, I feel excited about the changes I’ve made, and where they’re going to take me this year, and what changes I can add to them to continue on this road of awesome.

I have been discouraged. I didn’t lose as much as I’d hoped to when I started.  But I have lost 39 pounds since March, and that’s a huge damn deal. 😀  I still think too much about what other people think, but that’s getting better, too.  I am more able to let go of the opinions of people who aren’t interested in helping me fly, and taking proper consideration of the opinions of the people who are. J

For the first time in my adult life, my New Year’s resolution is not, “Lose some weight.” I actually have a bit of a list this year!   Of course, I will continue learning how to be the healthiest me, but that also includes things not related to eating well, or fitness.  Sure, I will be working on watching my salt, and getting out the door EVERY DAY. J  But I’m also going to be working on things like drawing more, organizing the family genealogy into something I can share with anyone interested, and simplifying my living space-getting rid of clutter and learning some organizational skills.

The big resolution is to remember, always, that health is way way more than numbers and calories.  Those things are important, for sure, and I can’t neglect them, but for me, they can’t be the only things.  It’s a whole package deal.  And I think I’ve got this. J

I hope you folks are all hopeful for the new year as well. Hope is important. 😀

Posted in Random stuff

The things you see on tv, and my own weird hangups

Hubby and I were watching a show called Strange Sex (We dig all sorts of weird documentaries. lol), and I’m pretty open minded about most kinks-by and large, those things aren’t any of my business, so I don’t really care, you know?

I should interrupt myself to say that this post will remain safe for work. 😀

Anyway, we watched an episode devoted to something called “Feederism”, and I feel like I need to address it a little, because my reaction was so strong. The idea of this particular kink is that the feedee wants to eat as much as possible and be as fat as possible, apparently deriving sexual pleasure from this, and her (It’s usually women, but probably not always) feeder derives sexual pleasure from feeding her and fattening her up and taking care of her.

I’ll be straight up and say that I found this segment extremely upsetting to watch, and my overwhelming question was, “Why?” The woman on the show said that she wanted to weigh 1,000 lbs.  Why?  I won’t talk about her potential health, because 1)It’s none of my business and 2)She was a grown ass adult who cannot live in the world today and not know what risks can lie with weighing 1,000 lbs.  But she talked about immobility as a goal, and I kind of freaked out a little.  I think hubby was fascinated by my response-to him, this was no different than any other weird kink.  It’s fascinating what people find sexy.  To me-I said at one point that I thought I was offended by the whole idea.

I think the reason that I had such a hard time with this is because, due to my own hangups about myself, I couldn’t just objectively watch.  She said she wanted to reach 1,000 lbs. and become immobile, and those ideas are probably the worst things I could imagine happening to me.  These women apparently get sexual pleasure out of something I have been running away from all my life.

This isn’t meant to be a judgement on the choices of other people, but maybe a treatise on how very deep my own war with my body had gone that, even now, I want to rebel, to negate, to run from even the idea that someone could not only love themselves at 500 lbs, but feel sexy and proud about it.  This isn’t a judgement on them at all, it’s on me and the lurking remnants of shame and self-loathing that pop up in odd places.

I’m going in the right direction, but that’s one more goal to add to the things I strive for-to be able to see that other people will make choices that I don’t get AT ALL, without my having to personalize it or internalize it into something that viciously bothers me.


(As an aside that may or may not be related-as I was Googling for this post, I found that the woman on the episode-the one striving for immobility- is now single and trying to lose weight to take care of her children. I don’t know how that fits into how I feel about this, but I did think it was interesting enough to note.)

Posted in Random stuff

Busy weekend ahead

Well, it’s Friday and my day started off by having to get my teenager out of bed and out the door (He’s supposed to be gone before I get up, but apparently didn’t set his alarm last night. 🙂 ), so having solved that world crisis, I can get on with my weekend. 🙂  I’ll be doing a good bit of walking today-got errands to do and I walk to “work” at the Gallery, and I’m apparently going to some place tomorrow to shop that will involve a bunch of walking.  I’m going with one of my many sisters-in-law to some “event” I guess. 😀 And Sunday will be more walking. 😀

This is another shortish post, because I feel like I can only say, “Wow, I’m doing pretty good!” so many times. 😀

I hope everyone has a great weekend, and I hope everyone feels like they’re doing pretty good, as well. 😀

Posted in Random stuff

So, about the look of the page…

Look, I love the winter holidays, from Thanksgiving until New Year’s Day, I just love this time of year. Try not to judge me too harshly, I’ll go back to normal after Christmas. 🙂

Lately, I finally kind of feel like I’m getting the hang of managing my life.  Now, I’m pretty sure this doesn’t mean that you won’t hear me bitch about something next week (*grin*), but I think lots of things are starting to feel like they’re coming together.  This time of year, though, will be interesting.  Although, seriously, if I can lose a few pounds over Thanksgiving week (And eat sensibly, rather than starving myself. Well, except for Thanksgiving day. Whoa, my gut was full of good food. *grin*), than I’m hoping to be ok. 🙂

In past years, I’ve made a ton of fudge and things.  I told hubby this year, that I didn’t think I was going to make fudge-I’m not sure I can police myself with it, and besides, I will get some somewhere, I’m sure. 😀  I am, I think, going to try to make glass candy.  It was something my gramma used to make, and I can store it up and hand it out and eat one piece, ya know?  I will probably bake, though. *grin* I like to bake.

I was thinking last night  that some of my forward movement was in part because I’ve been sleeping so well since hubby went back to a normal work shift-then last night, I woke up at 2 am, and stayed awake till about 5. But, today is a day that I was able to turn my alarm off, and so I slept in a bit, and feel pretty rested.  But I haven’t been sluggish or tired lately, and it’s really nice. My energy’s good, I feel like I’m getting a lot done, and it’s really nice.

So, this is where I am at the beginning of holiday madness. 😀  I hope you folks all have a great day. 🙂